a tour diary - june 18 - june 24, 2001

We were lucky enough to be invited to join True Love Always for a week on their East Coast tour. Utah! also joined us - who were great folk. All in all, the tour was a fun time and we made some great new friends. Well, here goes nothing!

June 18th
It is 10:30 a.m. and I have just boarded my second bus of the day. The bus is the cheapest way to reach the airport where my rental car awaits. This rental car will become my new home for the next week. This particular bus is filled with what appears to be a college summer trip party - scores of 20 year olds in tank tops and sunglasses off to some tropical paradise. Though I am not Spanish, I was greeted with "Hola Senor" as I boarded by one of the obnoxious and pasty youths. Upon further review, this must be a high school trip...

Tonight we will drive to East Hampton, Massachusetts and play our first show of the tour. We are touring with Teenbeat Records's own True Love Always and Kalamazoo-ites, Utah!

June 19th
Last night's show at the Flywheel has been judged a success, despite the fact that Gerald forgot to bring any merchandise to sell. But we did manage to collect some e-mail addresses (which I have since lost.) We played our 35-minute set to an enthusiastic crowd. East Hampton is a funny little town, I guess. Before we played we stopped off at a local pub called Leon's where the taps were $2.25. We imbibed.

After we played we got our first dose of Utah! which was both inspiring and deafening. True Love Always wrapped up the night to my ear's chagrin, playing all of their "hits" from the past 5 years or so. The guys in Utah! (and one gal cellist) and True Love Always are very nice and surprisingly well behaved. Well, except for Eddie from Utah. I have never seen a man drink so many consecutive Long Island Iced Teas. When I tried to explain to him that Long Island was in New York, not Massachusetts, he became belligerent and decorated my face with his fist. This is going to be a long tour!

We are now in Boston and my stomach is sending me a signal - it is time to eat. We are staying with my hyper-intellectual collegiate friend, Jeffrey. Jeffrey is an ultra-political, uber-genius friend from college. As I told Gerald, "Everything should be fine with Jeffrey, just don't pretend to know about "big people subjects" like politics and geography, cuz Jeffrey will kick your ass." My comment was met with a blank stare. Jeffrey was very hospitable and accommodating and even put the maggot-filled plate out in the backyard in a feeble attempt to "straighten things up."

As we get ready for tonight's show at The Middle East in Boston, I am listening to Jamey Gray's 99-Cent Dream and it soothes my nerves, helping me keep my homefries down. I could go on and on about 99-Cent Dream but that is for another day - tonight is my night!

Our show at the Middle East is a resounding success, at least in Indie Rock terms. We played first to an enthusiastic, though sparse, crowd, which included Utah! , TLA and Teenbeat Godfather, Mark Robinson (he was playing a solo set after us.) The sound was our best yet leading Mark R. to comment that "it was like a dance club in here!" Everyone else's set was equally as charming and entertaining, so much so that I ended up splurging on whiskey. By the end of the night I was wearing Ann from Utah!'s cowboy hat and telling Matt Datesman (drummer for TLA) that drummers in the 21st Century are about as obsolete as a Commodore 64. After I regained consciousness, having been blindsided by Matt's patented left hook, I was escorted back to our filthy, germ-infested apartment where we were sleeping. My head still hurts.

June 20th
9:00 am - I leap from my slumber, step over the cat droppings and venture out for my daily dose of coffee and homefries. Being vegan is a little tough at breakfast time, no eggs or pancakes so I try to stick to my homefries and unbuttered toast. Cottonmouth is my friend. Gerald finally manages to roll his lazy ass out of bed around noon and we set off for our next destination, Hoboken NJ - home of Maxwells, the Feelies and yuppies aplenty. I know - I lived there. 4 hours later and 2 burritos stronger; we arrive at the club and unload. Tonight's show is going to be the best yet!

June 21st
Last night's show was a disaster! The Milli Vanilli machine malfunctioned three times, as did the Casio and the sampler. Luckily the crowd didn't notice. L.A. rockers Merrick opened the set. Then we played our horrendous set to a crowd that included the staff of Bar-None Records, as well as my sultry, provocative wife, Princess Angela. By the time TLA got on stage, the crowd was rowdy. Undeterred by the obvious lack of interest, Merrick continued to wreak havoc and draw attention to themselves. They must have continued drinking since they played because they ran laps around the club, performed mock stripteases on stage while a flabbergasted TLA played on, and, in general, offended everyone in the room by the sheer volume of their "whoops" and "yelps!"

Glenn Morrow, rock legend and head of Bar None Records, and I had an interesting chat which, again, ended in myself being put through a wall for claiming Bar None is actually the name of a bar in Hoboken. Glenn sure knows how to swing a folding chair. I think he liked us, though.

Tonight, we will rock the house at CBGB's Basement Lounge in New York City!

June 22nd
Last night was a good and fun time. Utah! played first to an unfortunately light crowd. It was their last show on the tour - we will miss them. Our soundcheck went swimmingly and then we played. The sound quality was poor for all the bands. A couple highlights from the show: Gerald's dance moves are certainly improving and Shannon McArdle, from the Mendoza Line, graced us with her presence on one of our songs. We wrapped up our set, a little exhausted, but in relatively good spirits. It was also the debut of +/- a new outfit by James Baluyut and Patrick Ramos from Versus. They played loud, melodic music to an absolutely packed house. We sold a couple CDs (poor fools!) and met some new people. Timothy Bracy, from the Mendoza Line, asked us to play and record with them so that should be fun! Gerald was definitely the star tonight. He was schmoozing with all the industry folk, played flawlessly and, as reported, looked damn sexy on stage. What a hit with the ladies!

I am now at Sandy Hook Beach in NJ relaxing and burning to a crisp - again, the Sun taunts me! Tomorrow, we are off to Baltimore for our final gig on the tour. It should be fun; we are really going to miss Utah and, after tomorrow, TLA!

June 24th
Well, the tour is over. Gerald is driving us back to New York where we will return to the drudgery of ordinary life. We played our last show last night in Baltimore with True Love Always and Aden. It was in a tiny art gallery that served great, homecooked vegetarian food. I hadn't drunk wine from a box in years, so that was nice and nostalgic. Apparently, I wasn't the only one with a sense of nostalgia, as John Lindaman (TLA) and Gerald took turns holding the box and pouring it into each other's mouths. I found it slightly inappropriate given the environment, but they wouldn't stop.

All the bands played nice, quiet, low-key sets. Then we all headed to DC to hang out at Aden bassplayer Fred's parents house. The debauchery continued. Gerald skinny-dipped repeatedly despite the fact that their swimming pool had recently been drained. Matt and Tony, the illustrious rhythm section of TLA, came to blows over a Lennon/McCartney debate and I seem to remember driving Gerald to tears by reading aloud (and repeating) a recent MAGNET review of his latest Spacious International CD. We eventually made our way back to our friend Matthew's house where we crashed but not before defiling his entire living room with Gerald's vomit.